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Friday, October 18, 2002
SNIPERIFFIC!

I have received thousands of e-mails about the sniper, wondering how I feel that contributes to the overall blowage of DC. Frankly, I think it blows, but it makes me think a bit about what I consider DC geographically. Is it the Metro Area? Is the beltway the barrier? I'm inclined to think that I'm going to focus on DC proper more than anything in these weakly musings.


One of the murders was inside the DC city limits. If it weren't connected to the sniper, I doubt it would have made the papers. Perhaps you've heard this before, but murder isn't all that rare here in the district. The MPD just reduced their murder solving target to 50%. So, if you're hip to murdering someone, DC is a good place for that sort of thing since it's about even money that you'll get away with it. Montgomery and Fairfax Counties are a different story. These are rich suburban enlaves with police departments that take murder seriously. People make fun of Chief Moose, but I'd put money on the Montgomery County cops solving this thing over the other local police departments.


That said, I have been holed up in my basement for the last three weeks, messing my jammies everytime I spot a van through the recently-installed periscope. For a dozen square feet of insightful sniperblogging, check out DC suburbanite Jim Henley's
Unqualified Offerings. He's all over this thing.
posted by Jimmy 2:42 PM
ONE FOR THE CATTY FILES

Jenni Kitten of the inimitable
Kitten Kiss weblog has taken me to task for my anti-catblog vitriol:

Hey there. Just wanted to make a suggestion. Next time you link to someone else's blog, make sure you actually read some of the content before jumping to conclusions. Just because I have pictures of my cat in my template doesn't mean I blog about my cat. Obviously, you didn't even read any of my entries, or you would have realized that. I also checked out a couple of the other sites you linked to, and found the same results. Even if you had actually found sites that were dedicated to blogging about cats, why does that even matter? Reality check ... People have the right to blog about whatever the fuck they want to, and you have no business ridiculing them for it. At any rate, thanks for the extra hits. Anyone with half a brain will see that you have no idea what the hell you're talking about.

So I did a little poking around on her site and found she is completely correct. I say this not because she is strikingly beautiful in the photo on her site (I swear!), but because she’s right. The content is really more shoe and diet driven, which I like, because, hey, I’ve got feet and fat cells. (Incidentally, she’s completely adorable the way she is and doesn’t need to change a thing, so she should stop wasting time dieting and refocus her energies on starting a blog-on-blog romance with a slightly-jaded cat-hating DC-area gentleman, but I digress).

In fact, in her list of 100 Things About Jenny, the kitty didn’t even make the top 20, coming in at 21:

21: I let her kiss me on the lips all the time, even though her tongue hurts like hell.

I assume that entry is about the kitty. Although, when you think about it, if that entry is not about the cat, so much the better.

In the spirit of contrite apology, I humbly offer the Top 20 Reasons Kitty Kiss Doesn’t Blow:

1. The site is kitty-themed, not about kitties. And that’s a bit difference.

2. Jenni is studying Zoology, which, despite being the last section of the course catalog, makes for some pretty sweet cocktail party conversation.

3. Just because you post strangers’ photos of kitties, that doesn’t mean your site is about kitties.

4. She owns more than four pairs of flip-flops, which shows a certain savoir vivre.

5. She may be clairvoyant.

6. Jenni, by deduction from her e-mail, has at least one half of a brain, which is really all you need for the day-to-day stuff.

7. She obviously has a well-developed sense of irony, since the same day she e-mails “People have the right to blog about whatever the fuck they want to, and you have no business ridiculing them for it,” she posts a blurb about me entitled “Moron Alert.”

8. Unlike most other cat-themed blogs, this one has nothing about daytime TV.

9. She’s 21, which rocks on a number of different levels.

10. Did I mention that she is completely cute?

11. Jenni and I share a love/strong-dislike relationship with carbs, which brings me to…

12. She’s not a hater and is quick to forgive, which gives me hope that we may someday be able to put all of this behind us.

13. We share the viewpoint that Snow White was a little sissy bitch.

14. One of her devoted readers, Tyler, hopes I get crabs, to which I concur, as it seems like a small price to pay for actually having sex. I am assuming he’s hoping that I get crabs from intercourse and not from a toilet seat – that would just be mean-spirited.

15. I find it indearing when someone refers to me as “dickspit.”

16. Jenni’s been told she has a very unique way of kissing, a bit of an interest-piquer for me.

17. She’s never spent more than $50 on a pair of shoes, which shows a certain sensibility.

18. Just because the subtitle is “Inside the Feline Mind” doesn’t mean that it is all about kitties.

19. She’s unafraid to pull out a jug of sassback when necessary.

20. On the far off chance that she may someday be my sweet butterup, I don’t want this little tiff to set us back in our pursuit of beautiful bliss.

Anyhoo, visit her site. Drop her a note. See if she’s willing to forgive me. Also, you can take a test to see what fruit you are. I came out as sour grapes.

Ok, enough fun. Back to work,
Sammy








posted by Jimmy 11:46 AM
DC BLOWS, BUT BRITISH GYNOS ROCK!

Reader mail from one Kroi, a kind gentleman in the UK:

As an Ob/Gyn (and a frequent blog reader) I can knowledgably say "Good masturbatory show" and I do hope you carry on ;)

Thank you, Dr. K. And feel free to include me in your "Bring a Blogger to Work Day"


posted by Jimmy 9:49 AM



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